The Guest List: The Birds

I think that, in general, birds are out to get people. From stealing keys to begging for bread, they’re ruining lives across the globe and even from beyond the bird grave. I’m sure Ciara and Jennifer would agree. Here’s why:

[Enter Ciara, Jennifer, and Naomi.]

N: Okay, tell me about your bird things.

C: My what? Oh yeah. Okay. It was Christmas time.

N: Way to set the scene.

C: Heheh. It was crisp on the 34th floor of the Hyatt at Union Square. There’s like, every floor has a balcony, and I was in an elevator with some European travelers who were going to their room. And then…

N: Were they Swedish?

C: I don’t know. They were blonde, so maybe.

N: That’s racist.

All: Haha. 

[Laughing with them, not at them.]

C: So we were out on the balcony, and I was like, ‘Wow it’s so nice. What a view. [Enter ironic voice.] I love my city!’ Don’t put that in. And then I looked over to peer at how high off the ground we were and then a chicken wing, like a KFC chicken wing…

N: I was thinking like a Wing Stop style, drenched in sauce type wing.

C: No, no, no it was a fried chick, dry wing.

N: Delicious…

C: Yeah. There was a lot of meat on it too, so I don’t know what that was about.

N: Was it untouched?

C; No, there was like one bite taken out of it.

J: Maybe they were going in for a bite but it slipped out of their hands.

N: Oh yeah because it’s just so greasy.

C: Yeah maybe. And it came from the balcony above me and it hit me on the head and it fell down all the way to the floor.

N: Oh man.

C: Yeah man. Thirty-four stories.

N: What about you Jennifer?

J: It was also a crisp day

All: Hahahaha.

N: Crisp.

C: Crisp.

J: CRISP, okay? It was summer.

N: It’s crisp in summer?

J: I was vacationing with my family, plus some family friends. I was seven years old in Niagara Falls. It was loud. There were a lot of tourists.

N: What a long description. Good job Jennifer.

C: More detail, more detail!

J: Suddenly, I felt it. It fell on my forehead.

N: Ew, ew, ew.

J: And then, I started crying.

N: What is IT?

J: A seagull pooped on my head, okay?

C: Haha. Okay?

J: I started crying a lot, but my mom whipped out some Starbucks napkins and cleaned me up. But I kept crying for awhile after that, and everyone was laughing at me.

C: Wow, that’s horrible. I’m sorry about your poop.