What’s up? It’s your resident happy-sad girl. Today is a pretty cool day, I got a lemon so that’s a good thing. Here’s the full story. I came back from the bathroom and told my teacher I was lowkey-highkey depressed and he gave me a lemon to cheer me up. I love how I can seem really good on the outside, but feel like shit on the inside. As I was coming back to the classroom from the bathroom, I made up a little poem in my head about my constant rejection from people I probably don’t need approval from. I don’t remember it, but it was getting me super sad. Whenever I get into moods like this one, I tell myself that everything will be better and brace for whatever life throws at me next.
Time to get back on topic; this is my last post and I titled it Project Question because I have no idea what’s going to happen to me after this. For my final post I will be exploring my low confidence and my lack of vulnerability.
I haven’t always been so self conscious about my bigger-sized body, in fact, not so long ago, I was completely fine wearing crop tops and ripped jeans. I don’t know exactly what happened, but something in my mind told me that I was ugly and that I wasn’t supposed to be in the things that I was wearing. I go through periods of high confidence or utter rejection in my own head. I have friends that will compliment me but somehow it still doesn’t seem to click that I’m cool and I am fine. I really try to work on it but it’s also hard because I can’t get the clothes I know I would be confident in. I have made outfits online and I’ve even bought myself pieces, but my closet is definitely not my style. You may wonder “How is your closet not your style?”Most of my clothes were either bought for me or hand me downs. If I bought all my own clothes, there would be much more color and different types of patterns. My main point here is that I have a confident self inside me which will come out sometime in the future. In face, I’ve started to look at options that are both affordable and in the style that represents who I really am.
Vulnerability. I decided to talk about this one last because I have gotten over this one. Not completely, but this blog shows my vulnerability. I have always had a problem with revealing my inner self; in the past, my friends have said that I have so big of problems that they can’t match up so they don’t share. Instead of telling others about myself, I ask questions about the other person. People close to me understand that if I talk about myself, it’s because it’s important. Vulnerability is more than going into detail about myself, it also comes into play when I perform and when I sing. Performing is about putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to criticism. This is something I’ve had to overcome, which is no small accomplishment. When I first discovered my talent for singing, I was scared to perform, because singing in public requires vulnerability. Now, I’m able to face my vulnerability and push it even further. One tip I’ve learned is to act like someone who strong and confident; when I act like that person, it tends to happen, just like magic.
I’m sad to report that this is my last post, but you might hear from me again because I will continue on a different platform in the future. For now, I’m going to leave that in the realm of mystery. I hope this column got you through some things and showed you that even the person who starts out optimistic has their vulnerable moments. I will see you again. Bye from Imara. Goodbye from Opal.
